Stuck in the “not good enough”
As some of you might know, I recently got chosen to represent the mentally ill in Canada as one of the five faces of mental health. This past tuesday, I got to meet the amazing other four faces of mental health for a photo shot and commercial filming in Toronto. Hearing about the accomplishments and stories of the other faces I was stuck the entire day thinking that having me as a face of mental illness must have been a mistake. The other faces are such amazing people doing great things for mental health. They are well spoken and strong individuals. I felt like I wasn’t worth it.
This is something so common in my journey. All the good things that have happend to me , I would always wonder why me? I never felt quite good enough for it. In a way, its made me a better person. It motivates me to try harder, to accomplish more and to strive for goals I never thought possible. And achieved a lot if it. But this feeling of not good enough still follows me around.
Its so hard not to get stuck in these feelings. Many of my friends have expressed a similar feeling with their achievements. We see the amazing things that people are doing and assume that we are not good enough to be representing the field.
I want to stop thinking this way. I want to appreciate my achievements and the achievements of others without turning it into a competition. Although its human nature but I think we could change this. We should be allowed to look at what we achieved and allow ourselves to be happy about our accomplishments while acknowledging that their is still much we want to achieve and that we are not god’s gift to humanity.
I want to stop this thinking in myself, so this is a call to the world of social media and blogs, help me overcome this. Tell me when I am acting like a overconfident ass, but also tell me when it’s okay to spend a moment understanding that I do deserve what I have. That it’s okay to have a high horse that stands next to you so you can get on it once in a while when you need to defend yourself. That you can appreciate the work of others without demeaning your own work, even if its in the same field.
We are all chasing after the same dream of a better world anyways.